Some local red with a side of crack head

A year ago on Halloween, my absolute favorite holiday, my fiance proposed to me at my favorite vineyard in Sonoma, Viansa. It was amazing! So now we are making it a tradition to return to the area to celebrate our commitment and enjoy some of the finer things. I should point out that yes we are still engaged and not married and are intending on staying engaged for as long as we want. We have a great relationship and neither one of us is in a rush to fix something that isn't broken.

We made our trip west this year a week before Halloween because of finances and scheduling. Leaving early Friday afternoon, our first stop was San Francisco to stay a night and research beach side camp sites for the following night. Perhaps we should have researched our accommodations for Friday night a little better. Justin, not wanting me to stress about plans took it upon himself to book us a room through priceline that sounded affordable and nice. They even boasted, "newly renovated rooms"... They lied.

We were pleased to see a nice sized parking lot where we could park the Expedition considering neither one of us has quite mastered the art of parallel parking this beast. It was comforting until we saw signs posted every 3 feet warning hotel stayers to "park at your own risk" and  "hotel not responsible for theft, fire or damage" and "this hotel uses chemicals that are harmful to children and pregnant women". That last one really freaked me out.

After checking in at the front office, windows clad in iron bars, we headed to the car where we were greeted by a pleasant man who helped us take our bags to our room. The stale smell of mildew and cigarettes wafted out when Justin opened the door. I think the man carrying our bags noticed the look of disappointment on my face and said, "Hey I bet you got the new shower system in this room."

He looked in the bathroom, hopeful to have some good news to deliver but quickly turned off the light and said, "Nope, guess not."

Bless his heart, he was the most pleasant part of our stay, that and the feeling of leaving the next day.

So it's not newly renovated and it's small and stinky, that's a bummer but it could be worse, right?

It can always be worse. In this case, it definitely was.

There were some flimsy towels and a roll of toilet paper sitting on the edge of the sink, other than that there wasn't an item in the place that wasn't bolted down. A giant hole in the wall was patched half heartedly and there was toilet paper shoved in the peep hole. Did someone figure out that peep hole worked two ways? There was also a dirty toothbrush left in the bathroom. Gross! I didn't walk anywhere without my shoes on.

Aesthetics aside, this place was down right frightening! We hadn't been there long before the sounds of drug deals and screaming could be heard right outside our door. It was around 9pm and we had planned on going out on foot to grab a late bite and a drink but there was no way we were leaving our stuff in the room and I for one wasn't leaving that room until it was time to get out of  dodge.

So I fell asleep, a defense mechanism I'm sure. With the realization that Justin was not going to be able to sleep at all that night and that he's placed a giant can of bear mace next to my side of the bed I allowed myself to drift into a half sleep where the disturbing sounds I heard all night turned into bad dreams and half-realities. As soon as the sun was up so were we and Justin assured me that I wasn't dreaming about crack heads and screaming.

I was up and getting ready to take a shower when I noticed they didn't have a blow dryer. I realize this isn't a necessity but it is something I use everyday so Justin, once again being the wonderful guy that he is, went to the front office to inquire about a blow dryer. What he returned with was a dirty wall unit blow dryer that obviously gets passed from one person to the next and it didn't work. He also told me about his encounter with a mumbling homeless man who he couldn't shake until he entered the office. It was time to go.

We headed to Sausalito and enjoyed a nice breakfast and walk on the pier. The inside of the car smelled like the room we'd stayed in but that was all that remained of our lovely evening in the crack house. Not able to plan our camping night due to the lack of  promised "free internet" we headed towards Sonoma with out much of a plan in mind. Exhausted, I just wanted a clean room and a bed to sleep in. Thankfully, Justin's father had a free hotel stay that he used to get us a room in the same place we stayed a year prior. Heaven! Fireplace, clean room, walk out to pool and jacuzzi, a hairdryer and best of all, no crack heads.

We spent the remainder of Saturday wine tasting, walking and taking in the sites. That evening we strolled through Sonoma's downtown park and then enjoyed a swim and some Jacuzzi time at the hotel. The day was amazing and much needed. Regardless of our first night we were able to unwind and spend some real quality time together.

Upon further reflection of that weekend it makes me laugh to see the symbolism of those two days in our relationship. We truly have been through the trenches together and have celebrated some beautiful moments as well. Meeting in college, our relationship started out with high hopes but turned rocky and unmanageable. Now we realize what we have together and celebrate our love daily.

You have to take the good with the bad because together they paint a more interesting story.

The writing on the wall

You don't have to look far to see the demise of our civilization. Daily, the news is filled with stories of violent crimes, economic woes and corruption. Sometimes these stories are in our own back yard. Just yesterday a man stormed into the Carson City IHOP and shot up the place, taking four lives before taking his own. That was a short five minute drive from where I work. Maybe it was this occurance or the upcoming 10 year reunion of 9/11 that got me thinking - could this really be the beginning of the end?

I'm not naive, I realize the world is a crazy and scary place sometimes and that bad things happen to good people everyday but with all the puzzle pieces scattered on the table a distorted image of our society starts to take shape. Maybe all the 2012 prophecies are right, the end is near. If it is, we can only blame ourselves.

I don't mean to be all doom and gloom but it is a subject that I personally can not ignore at the present. I tend to deal with my own failures and set backs with humor and satire but I'm having trouble being witty when I think about the world and where we are or where we are going.

Several books and shows on TV talk about the prophecies and that the end is near. Aliens are going to come tell us we screwed up... blah blah blah, something along those line.  I don't necessarily believe all of that but I do feel like we've been setting the stage for an apocalypse for thousands of years and the characters are all in place. The world is always at war, our economy takes one dive after another and we continue to rape our planet of every resource it can give.

So what do we do?

Personally, I dwell. But that doesn't solve anything and I don't recommend it. Since we can't fix years of turmoil and societal turbulence I think we have to start small. I feel on an individual basis it is my job to find the beauty in every day. Be thankful, hug longer, laugh often and smile at a stranger. Just be here, be a witness to life.

Maybe events, like the shooting in Carson, however senseless and violent serve some purpose. Perhaps we are meant to look at our own lives and realize it is wonderful. If we can put aside our daily woes long enough to appreciate what we have and set our own lives to a purpose, any good purpose, then maybe it isn't all lost.

My thoughts go out to the victims and families of the Carson shooting, the survivors and families of those lost during 9/11 and to all those touched by hate and crime.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die

I realize I'm way past due on blogging about my experience at the Cash'd Out concert in Reno but better late than never. (Even three weeks late.)

Cash'd Out has been deemed the "next best thing" to seeing the Man in Black himself and while I have no comparison I can say I was blown away. The show was amazing. The entire band was like a re-incarnation. They came out on stage smoking cigarettes (in a smokeless venue), dressed like is was 1954 and had enough hair grease between the four of them to lube up any squeaky door for miles.

Justin, my fiance, surprised me with tickets and I haven't been this excited to see a show ever. It's kind of strange if you think about it -they play cover songs and yet it was the best live show I've seen in a long time. You could tell they knew what their passionate audience wanted and they delivered.

It made me wonder, based on stories I've heard, if this performance was actually better than a live show from Johnny Cash himself. I'm not hear to criticize but my own grandmother told me of going to a Cash show in Kansas where he fell down in a drunken stupor and the show abruptly ended. While we know that the man struggled with substance abuse for a great part of his career he also redeemed himself at a point in his life and I believe tribute bands like Cash'd Out truly represent this spirit and drive and charisma that his fans love.

The only thing is I wish my family could have been there. I found myself thinking of them through out the show. I missed them. They would have loved it too. It made me think of my deceased grandparents as well. I don't know why but it did.  A show like this proves that people and their legacies live on long after they do. It was a nostalgic moment for me that I wanted to share with the people I love the most.

I did get to see the show with the man of my dreams and great friends. It was an experience I won't soon forget.

Scented candles and omelets

There are signs we must pay attention to in our daily activities or we could wake up some morning and realize, "Oh my god, I'm old!" So I try and pay close attention to the changes in myself, however small so I can either scrutinize them or be thankful of who I am.

Lately, I'm noticing that I appreciate some rather domestic activities that I'd never really cared about before. For example, I make a mean omelet. It's a challenge and if I make a perfect one it sets the tone for my day. I like to make and not only eat omelets but I like to make them for others. If they are satisfied and smiling, so am I. It is a sense of accomplishment.

Being raised in a farm house in Kansas, we didn't eat out much and mother was always working hard in the kitchen. That is when she wasn't working her full time job outside of the home. I know I didn't appreciate this labor of love and even declined being taught how to cook when she offered. That was a stupid choice on my part but I feel I picked up on some basics and the rest I learned myself. I really enjoy cooking. Never thought I'd say that.

So, with this new love of the culinary arts I wonder, am I turning domestic? Oh horror of horrors! I'm really hoping to put that off until I have children... IF I have children.  I like having a clean, organized home but I also don't want to be a slave to it. I want to be spontaneous and fun and out doing things.

But I'm not out doing. I cleaned the house today and got really excited when I changed the wax out of my Scentsy. It's citrus now! Excited over the smell of citrus? Is this really who I am becoming? Seriously, why am I not out at the beach having fun with my friends, soaking up too much sun?

The truth is I decided before this weekend hit that I just didn't have the money to go anywhere. Gas, food, unexpected expenses, it all adds up. So I made the ADULT decision to stay home. Man it sucks being responsible.

With that said, I have to be thankful for the amazing weekend my fiance and I had last weekend. Kayaking at the lake, hiking around, BBQ on the peaks overlooking the lake fireworks made for a pretty amazing weekend.  This weekend we didn't go out at all. I think the boredom was getting to us as we started watching the complete series of Deadwood.

Maybe I need to rethink this. I hung out with my guy all weekend, watched mind numbing television, stayed up late and didn't get out of bed before noon. That's something someone with no responsibilities would do... sleep until noon. That's just downright lazy.

So maybe there's hope for me yet. Maybe I'm not all grown up and done having fun. If I can have one amazing weekend, followed by a laid back one, sleep until noon and still make a killer omelet before cleaning my house than I'd say I'm pretty well rounded.

Cooking is an accomplishment and sleeping in is a luxury. So I guess I've got it all. Plus, it smells AMAZING in here!

One tear shed for cheese

Dairy in its many forms is an indulgence not allowed me. I've mentioned before that I've been working on improving my health the last four months. Some changes had to be made in my diet. I found out I was lactose (dairy) and gluten (wheat) intolerant. I can have European cheeses and goats milk/cheese. All the antibiotics and crap Americans inject their cows with makes it untouchable for me. Just one more thing this dear country of ours has managed to screw up.

Needless to say this change has come with a fair share of ups and downs but I've really adjusted well to it. I'm experimenting with new recipes and meal ideas all the time and learning some great ways to make up for that loss. I prepare almost all my own food so I know exactly what is in it and if I do eat out I'm very careful to order items that won't make me sick. Many restaurants now have a menu with all allergy information attached. I've even gotten to a point where I pack my own meals and snacks if we are going to a bbq or something, just in case there's nothing I can eat there.

Other than the obvious items like mile, cheese, bread and pasta, you may be suprised what has gluten and/or dairy in it. Most of all the taisty stuff it would seem, to one who must go without. But like I said, I'm adjusting.

So when I think I get to cheat a little I get a bit excited. Our boss ordered pizza for our entire department and I just planned on bringing my lunch that day. A bummer yes, but nothing I couldn't handle. Didn't bother me. I was blown away when my boss informed me he was going to order a gluten free pizza for me and the other unlucky soul in our office. I was glowing! Pizza, really! Granted my side would be sans cheese but it's pizza!

Noon rolled around and those two sweet words, "Pizza's here!" hit my ears and I immediately made a bee line for the lunch room. I seriously was overly excited for this and don't think I was this filled with much christmas morning vibe on Christmas.

I was just to enthusiastic for a silly gluten free, cheese free pizza. My portion, of course, did not come with out cheese as ordered.

Bummer dude.

So, I grabbed my purse and planned to get an over priced salad at Subway. Healthier option anyway, I told myself. Almost proud of my decision I hopped in my car and pulled out of the parking lot. As I turned the corner I noticed my right cheek was damp. A tear, maybe two?

I immediately felt like a complete fool. Am I really shedding a tear over cheese?! I'm no cry baby and I've gone through some pretty rough times and not shed a tear. So what is my deal? I guess I felt sorry for myself. Maybe I felt like that kid in school who couldn't have chocolate and had to watch as all the other students chowed down messy cocoa bunnies during Easter.

I was over my self indulgent boo fest very soon and although a little embarassed at my self I was none the worse for wear. I enjoyed my salad at lunch (wrote a blog about it) and planned my dinner. Tonights menu - homemade gluten free pizza, toppings yet to be determined and goat cheese.

Maybe I'll throw in a bite of chocolate as dessert for my little homeys who can't.

Cheers to the eating challenged! May your meal always have flavor!

There's a time for everything

It has taken me some time to jump on the Blogging band wagon, or the blog wagon if you will, but today I decided was time. Not that I've ever been one to follow with any trend so it really is no surprise that I am just now taking this up. I think I've steered away from it for so long because I love the feel of an empty notebook that is just waiting for me to fill up the pages. But lets face it, I can't read my own handwriting half the time and much of what goes in a virginal notebook is for my eyes only.

My inspiration started as I was driving into work this morning, dreading the day to come as usual and I realized I'm missing something. I'm hoping by banging it out on the keyboard that I will either find some solace or answers.

Maybe I need a real challenge in life. Something that takes me a considerable amount of brain energy to muddle through and leaves me a better, wiser, (richer would be nice), more well-rounded individual. Yeah, that sounds awesome!

Then I thought about the people I deal with on a daily basis, work people, people in the store, neighbors. Basically, my conclusion was that people themselves can be challenging on a daily basis and I really don't want any more of that. Do I want to be more challenged in my job? Maybe, but with the job I currently have that doesn't sound appealing either.

The more I thought about the definitions of "challenge" the more I realized I've had my fair share of those in my adult life and I'm not sure I need any more character building moments right now.

Challenges can come at a great cost. So much so, you pay for them your whole life. You come out an educated person because of them but they leave a wake of destruction like an F4 tornado. I don't need that. All stocked up at the moment.

So what do I need?

Maybe I just need a glass of red wine! (one moment please)

Aw, the wine is nice but maybe I need something more. Like life altering changes. But then I consider the changes I've made in the last few months and I realize I'm proud of how far I've come. I found out after some blood work that I had a laundry list of health issues that I've worked on solving in the last 4 months through my diet and supplements. I've lost weight, gained energy and muscle and the best part is I feel amazing!

What about a move? I really have moved plenty but it always means new and exciting things to come. In the last ten years I have moved 15 times within 4 states. Hmm, maybe its time to stay put for a bit.

Love, not even a question. I have plenty to go around.

Maybe I need to go back to school. A coworker of mine today had a tshirt from the community college I attended. It was really odd because the college is in KS and we live/work in NV so of course I found it interesting to say the least. But it got me thinking, as I'm always trying to listen to the signs the universe gives me, does this mean something? I've tossed the idea around literally since the day I got my degree at the Art Institute. I learned mid degree that graphic design was not my calling.

Schooling is expensive and what if I get board half way through? It is a tough call and I'm not sold one way or the other yet. If I did go back it would be for psychology/counseling/life coaching. I've always had an interest in it and I feel I'd be a quick study in the field. Can a blue collar woman whose almost 30 manage to get a descent education and get the right job with it? I do know after living in Nevada for one year that the need for psychological advisers and counselors is very high but it's hard to tell if that need would still be great be once I graduated.

It would appear I have no answer for myself as to what I need. Suffice to say I do feel better. Whether its the writing or the wine, or both I feel like my brain isn't so full of questions now.

It's hard to feel unsatisfied when I take a look around me and see my loyal, loving dogs and my best friend/fiance in the house that I love but I know the feeling will creep up again when I least expect it.

Maybe next time I'll be ready for it and fight it off with some answers. Maybe that will be the time I'm ready to make some real decisions.